THE SPEECH

Sometimes I find it really fun to wonder what kind of person each one of you views me to be. It’s interesting to think about how each person will form a slightly different or maybe vastly different perception of you because, after all, they’ve only seen fragments of you at a time. 

Today I stand before you as the valedictorian of the SJS class of 2024, but many of you have probably never seen me absolutely exhausted and drenched in sweat after volleyball practice with our coach Pirito, and you’ve probably also never seen me hammering the black and white keys of my piano in frustration in search for some release, some freedom, some catharsis, or even, how I laugh gleefully after destroying random strangers on this obscure internet game that probably less than 10 people here have heard about. 

So, the point I’m trying to make is that we are an ever-changing jigsaw puzzle. People see only a couple of pieces of you at a time, and they try to form the entire picture of your being with the limited information they have. So then, as long as you keep focus on painting a beautiful picture on the canvas that is your life, then no matter how much others fixate on a smudge or corner of your canvas, you know yourself that what you have overall, is beautiful. Then that’s enough. 

Now, a different conversation has sparked. What can we use as motivation to paint our picture? I’m going to go even more basic here. 

I think there’s a pretty universal problem when it comes to all of us. And that’s the motivation we need to get out of bed in the morning. Sure, you can always opt for setting 20 alarms in 5-minute intervals, but that’s a pretty torturous way of going about it, and you are definitely not going to be in a good mood when you finally do get up. So then, how should we do it? 

I’m going to share with you my own method. 

During the pandemic in 9th grade, I developed a deep fear of death. Luckily for me, between online classes, there was a lot of time to think. Day and night and day and night, I would be just thinking about darkness and the void. 

Thankfully, my family was great at these types of conversations and were very open about talking, too. My mom would always say, I’m not scared of death. I’m only scared of what would happen to you and your dad without me to take care of you. My dad would say, everyone dies. Just do something worthwhile while you’re alive. 

I think they’re both right and that everyone can have their own take on the matter. Everyone SHOULD have their own take on the matter because it’s the one common truth for us all. 

After a bit, I came to my own conclusion. I imagined myself on my deathbed, probably in some hospital room who knows where, and I’m looking up, blinded by the bright white lights above me. If that was my last moment alive, what would be going through my mind at that moment? 

Big stuff, right? Family. Contribution. Integrity.

So then, most of the things I stress over daily are, vastly, insignificant when I put myself on that deathbed. Because I’m not going to be thinking about those things. I’ll be thinking about the things I’ve done, the things I’ll have left behind, a legacy if you will. My own mark on this one world that we all share. With life, there’s a realm of possibility. It is the most basic prerequisite for you to make anything happen. 

And so, when I wake up in the morning, all I have to say is, “I’m alive.” Then I roll out of bed and we’re off. 

What I’ve found to be a great thing about this world is that there is no overarching truth about what it means to be alive. There is no meaning to life, and I don’t mean this in the way that there is no point to life, but rather that there is no definition to it. That makes it nice. We get to decide our own meaning of being “alive”.

I think being alive has a lot to do with risk-taking. Imagine a TV show where every single day, the protagonist just does their own thing, taking the safe route, and so, they are living, biologically living at least, but who would actually want to sit through and watch a series like that? If you think back to your own favorite shows, I’m sure all of them have some type of conflict and risk involved, and the excitement unfolds throughout the process of resolving it. That’s the fun part, and the fun part only comes with that initial risk. It’s okay to be scared, and being scared is part of feeling alive, and we want to feel alive. 

They say to chase your dreams. I think that’s too broad of advice for comfort. Life isn’t only for chasing dreams because life isn’t a checklist. Life isn’t linear in the sense that it’s just goal after goal after goal, and then that’s the end. There’s a lot more depth between each stage, and stages can overlap and intertwine and be unpredictable. Being alive is adapting to it all, soaking in the process, thriving in the process, flourishing in the process. 

Thinking back to what my parents said, I know I need to become strong and capable enough so that my mom won’t be scared that I can’t take care of myself when she’s gone. My dad always taught me to do the hard things. Do hard things and challenge yourself, challenge yourself to better understand yourself. 

Thank you mom, thank you dad, for your company these last 18 years. Thank you for nurturing me into the person I am today, and thank you for giving me space to grow on my own. 谢谢你们为我做的一切。

Also, I want to acknowledge that my grandma is actually here with us today. She flew in all the way from China, a 40-hour trip with layovers, just to be present here today. She doesn’t know English, so let me thank her in Chinese. 

外婆，谢谢你一直不断的教我，谢谢你对我的信任，谢谢你大老远跑过来参加我的毕业典礼，我爱你。爸爸妈妈我也爱你们。

Thank you to all the teachers who have taught me and also to Saint John’s, an institution that I’ve learned to call MY SCHOOL. Thank you for the opportunities and for the memories. 

Lastly, I just want to thank all of my fellow graduates sitting here today. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if not for you all. I take great pride in being a part of this class. We’ve got some truly amazing people up here today, and the fact that it pains me to say goodbye serves as proof of my words. I wanted to let you know, even if we don’t call often, even if we’ve never called, if someday one of you did call, I promise I’d answer. 

There is no need to say farewell because I know you’ll fare well even if life isn’t fair or well, be ready to be unsteady and go out there my friends, go out there and make your own marks in this world. And stay alive. 

Thank you for the time. 

 light pollution

Haha, it's kind of funny how I'm writing my second consecutive post at around the same time as the first one (2:19 AM). 

Now, I promise it's not because my sleep schedule is messed up, but rather, I've got an excellent explanation for today. Mmm, so since I'm graduating real soon, my grandma came all the way from China to live with us for a few months leading up to the ceremony. She came around mid-February, and her visa only allows up to six months, so in the summer, I'm taking her back. 

Today, we decided to take her to visit the bioluminescent bay in La Parguera. Fun fact: There are only five bioluminescent bays worldwide, and Puerto Rico houses three of them. That's pretty awesome, isn't it? These are basically bodies of water inhabited by these microscopic organisms called dinoflagellates that have this glow-in-the-dark effect when agitated by movement in the water surrounding them. As you can imagine, you can't really see them with any other light source around, so you need to be in a secluded warm-water ecosystem with as much darkness as possible to see them shine the best. 

La Parguera is about 2.5 hours away from where we live, so we got out of the house at around 4 PM, but somehow, we were in traffic ON THE HIGHWAY for about 30 minutes going at snail pace because they were fixing the roads. An original three-lane highway turned to one lane at some point which was downright unfortunate. But then, after, everything smoothed out, and the views as we drove along were absolutely unmatched. The clouds, the mountains, the mist, everything just looked so sublime. OH AND the road itself was actually really smooth, unlike the bumpy pothole-abundant roads that we typically have over here. (I broke a PR btw, finally got to 110 on an open stretch heheh)

The bio bay itself was the same as usual. Nothing too exciting, but maybe that's just because I've been a few times already. You get on a boat and drive out into an area where you can't see any manmade lights and it's basically complete darkness except for the moon. The moon was very pretty tonight. The dinoflagellates don't emit a whole lot of light, and after all the hurricanes we've had over the past few years, there's less of them than ever, so you can also bet that it's dimmer than ever. 

The beautiful full moon was a trade-off for not being able to see the microorganisms at their brightest because, well because of light pollution. Same reason as to why we can barely see any stars in the city. Far too many city lights take away our ability to perceive the natural lights of the world. Only in darkness can we see the stars. This is something that I've been thinking about lately actually, not in the literal sense, but more metaphorically. 

When a lot of good things stack up, it'll be very bright, but it'll be hard to pick out any individual to call the best. Over time, they'll all start to feel the same, average, even. That's scary, isn't it? Will we lose track of good things because there are too many of them? Will we lose track of good friends because we make more? Will we forget meaningful moments because we constantly make new ones? Isn't it scary that we'll no longer be bright in an ocean full of stars? 

I can't answer all of those questions. However, I will say a few words on the last one. Probably many of my fellow graduates this year will have the same fear of no longer being standout cynosures when they get to their university in the fall. "I'll be a no-name college student, just one of many. I've lost all the progress I've built, nothing then matters now. I have to start anew and this time, I don't know if I can climb to where I once was because everyone is amazing." That's a thought process that's pretty easy to fall into. 

One thing worth noting is that even if there is light pollution, that doesn't diminish the fact that the stars are still there. The stars themselves don't fade, even if they are harder to notice. So don't feel discouraged if your work goes unnoticed for a while. As long as you keep your flame burning passionately, then one day, you'll be seen. 

I wanted to discuss the ISEF trip, but it looks like that will have to wait for another post. Thank you for reading, and bonne nuit. 

recapitulation pt. 1

Bienvenidos. 

I am back. From the dead. There were, unfortunately, no posts for 2023, which could arguably be my most successful year yet in terms of achievements. Well, excluding this year, 2024, I guess. 

I'm going to try to recap 2023. Or am I? Hmm, I'm not sure whether I should write first about the 2024 events that happened more recently or stick to this chronological order thing. Whatever, I'll just pile them all up and then go into detail later. 

I guess the most recent "big" thing that's happened is that after completely bombing my AP Physics C tests this Thursday, I got pulled into the principal's office one last time. Maybe it's because I'm about to graduate, or maybe it's because I can now see the flaws in authorities, or maybe it's because I'm... changed? I realized this man is shorter than I am. Well, you might be thinking, "Jerry, you're 6'2; of course, most people are going to be shorter than you". And I guess you have a point there, but I suppose that I just never had that thought run through my mind when standing face-to-face with the principal. 

Anyway, we went slightly off-track already. The point is, he was treating me a little friendlier than usual, which is quite unusual since he's usually the #1 opposition whenever our Student Council proposes any sort of new plan/activity that hasn't been done before. Oh yeah, I should also probably talk about my experience as president this past year... I'll do that in another post. So, he shook my hand and told me to have a seat, proceeded to call my parents, and told me (with my parents on the line) that I was my school's class of 2024 Valedictorian. 

(Btw, this info is technically supposed to be a secret until the graduation itself, but, my readers will always have the perks of first-hand info hehe) 

So, not to be full of braggadocio, but I've been expecting this news for a little while now. Our graduation is set for next Wednesday, May 29th, and as I am currently writing up this blog, it is 2:06 AM on May 25th. Not many days as you can see. The truth is, I don't really care much for the title itself, the big thing for me is the speech. I've always wanted the honor of being able to address my class directly one last time before we go our separate paths. I didn't want to have the whole speech written out before I was officially notified since it simply wouldn't feel right. So then, I have four days to write this speech that is supposed to somehow summarize or wrap up these past 13 years of institutional life. That is, simply put, very impossible. In fact, I don't even think a 5-hour summary or any summary of any length could put into perspective all of the people, memories, events, feelings, and emotions we've shared and experienced. So... I'm not even going to attempt it. 

I'll go down a different route. I'll definitely share that speech here when I'm done writing it. No guarantee that I won't spontaneously alter random things a few minutes before the actual speech, though, or maybe my extemporaneous performance will take over, and I'll go completely off script. The funny thing is, the principal expects me to send him my script the day before the graduation to check it because it typically works for kids who read their whole speech, but it's never once applied to me. That's because I memorize mine entirely. I don't need no papers in front of me. I'll go over my technique for that in another post. 

Mmm, I also really need to write a post on my 2024 ISEF experience. I'll do that tomorrow, then, and that one's gonna come with pictures, so stay tuned!! 

Alrighty gotta go to bed now. Tomorrow I'm hitting up the bowling alley in the morning with the rest of my AP Computer Science A class and our teacher since for one of our mini labs once, we coded up a bowling score calculator and so, it's an annual tradition for the CSA class to go bowling together after the AP tests are all over. Our teacher is really good at bowling though, I'll let you know what score he gets haha. 

Night guys