Wednesday, June 26, 2024
Monday, June 24, 2024
Where I'm From
I am from blackboards and numbers,
From the white chalky dust and the squeaky expo markers.
I am from the university’s natural science libraries and the chemistry department’s offices,
From the single-player games I dominated and the entertainment I invented during solitude.
I am from 365 days of daily blog posts,
From the satisfying click-clacking sounds of my mechanical keyboard.
I am from round metal chopsticks and large tempered-glass lazy Susans,
From spicy Chinese reganmian and freshly made piping-hot tostones.
I am from my father’s collection of ties and my mom’s shoelace tying technique,
From my friends’ deepening voices and changing interests.
I am from the English I write at school,
the Spanish I shout during sports,
and the Mandarin I speak at home.
I am from the smell of sunshine of my grandma’s laundry,
From the scent of dirt and nature of my dad’s garden on the balcony.
I am from the magenta flowers that bloomed around my piano professor’s fence,
From the intricate classical pieces that I have been trained to dissect and analyze.
I am from a family of nomadic learners,
From questions that blossom out of seemingly ordinary phenomena.
I am from my experiences and all the people who contribute to them,
From a life that I would not exchange for the world.
Sunday, June 23, 2024
Stoic
Free-verse Poem
Phlegmatic.
That’s a word which I believe suits me quite well.
It’s nice,
Sometimes.
In trouble, you seem calm.
Through trials, you bring composure.
It’s a wonderful quality, truly, one which I value.
Yet, sometimes people yearn for some emotion
They yearn for a reaction and spend time and effort to procure one
Let’s say, for instance,
A surprise party!
Festive occasion, is it not?
Friends and family organizing behind the scenes…
All for what?
Just for a snapshot of time in hopes to capture your confusion-turned-felicity.
The moment never arrives.
Sorry.
Today, my friend flew
Saturday, June 22, 2024
The mystery of muscle memory
They're not contacts...
All the way through elementary school I wore glasses. My signature look was with these orange square-framed glasses and my mom still occasionally pulls some out of the depths of her photo gallery to remind me of what I was like when I was little. However, this would’ve made it a bit more difficult for me to play sports since there’s always a fear of breaking them upon a hard impact with the ball. Thus, we were on the lookout for other ways to fix my vision.
We explored some other options first but eventually, there came a day when my parents learned about the existence of orthokeratology, or ortho-k for short. Ortho-K involves the use of specialized and custom-fitted contact lenses that one wears to sleep which temporarily reshapes the cornea to improve vision. Essentially, myopic people have their eye shape distorted when compared to those with perfect vision and this deformation is what causes their impaired sight. These ortho-k lenses basically serve to squish/mold your eye back into the proper shape to restore vision.
As you can probably imagine, this squishing will not cure myopia. It only temporarily relieves the condition but as soon as you stop wearing it, the effect will wear off as your eye springs back into its natural position. Typically, to have near-perfect vision for a day, I’d have to wear it for around 7–8 hours the night before in order for the effect to last that long. There comes a problem though, sometimes at night I simply fall asleep instantly and forget to wear them. In doing so, I’m essentially depriving myself of proper vision for the next day and every waking blurry moment is one where I’m reminded of the consequences of my actions (or better said, inaction) the night prior.
People who know me from back in elementary school would sometimes randomly ask, “Hey, I see you’re not wearing glasses anymore… Did you switch to contacts?” And most of the time I’m too lazy to actually explain why they’re not contacts because then I’d have to get into the entire process behind it and even the science sometimes so it’s simply not worth it if I have something more urgent on my hands. In another case, if I forgot to wear it the previous night, I’d have to wander through my next day without being able to see what most teachers write on the board and the worst thing is when teachers call on you to read something and you just can’t see it so you have to ask them to zoom in, zoom in, zoom in a bit more… However, that doesn’t happen too often because I can get through most of my classes without ever needing to look at the board by asking my classmates beside me or by just attentively listening to the teacher. After all, they always repeat what’s already on the board.
But if it comes to a scenario where I’m forced to admit I can’t see, somehow they always know to hit me with that “Can’t you see? You need to get some glasses.” Ouch. And once again to not have to take up class time to go through the entire process of orthokeratology, I’ve learned to simply smile and nod to hope it glides over.
So, now you know why “They’re not contacts”.
Friday, June 21, 2024
Boxed Thinking
It seems that nowadays we often have our thoughts enclosed within a certain plane of consciousness. Perhaps consciousness isn’t the right word to use.
Novel ideas. I’ve always had a debate on whether or not a combination of two pre-existing ideas is considered something novel. Bread and cheese, grilled cheese. Novel? Perhaps.
But deep inside us, we’re always striving for something big. Something TRULY novel. Not just some merger of two other ones. A real invention. And then we think. We think and think and think some more after we’re tired of thinking. But why does it seem like it’s harder to think of something when there are no limits to our ideas?
Right now, I am aboard a shinkansen bullet train going at over 170 mph towards Kyoto, our next destination. On the last train ride, I had this exact page open on my word document, yet I didn’t write anything. I just couldn’t think of anything more to write about regarding this idea. Ironic, isn’t it?
There’s been a friend I’ve been getting really fond of lately. Let’s call her Doodle. I gave Doodle my blog a few weeks back and as she’s been reading it and discussing it with me, she suddenly had the thought of starting one herself. I heavily encouraged it.
Currently, she has one post. Earlier today, Doodle told me that she was shy with her writing. I wonder why, because from chatting with her, I know she’s full of funny ideas and super entertaining to talk with. Even if we just copy pasted our text conversations into blog format, I think it would still be entertaining to read.
Doodle said that my writing was “so eloquent and smooth”, yet I find that quite surprising considering how I never do any edits to my writing. Everything you see is my raw first edition. It’s a stream of consciousness because I usually do each post in one sitting, just typing away. Our thoughts go all over the place all the time, so how could it possibly be smooth?
I just had a thought. What if we imagine ideas to be these rough, uneven rocks. The more they run around in our heads, the more they flop around in the washing machine that is our mind, the smoother and more refined they become. Smooth stones skip further than rough ones.
Mmm, not always. You see when it comes to skipping rocks, besides picking a good stone, there is also technique in the motion itself. There needs to be enough spin on the rock when you flick your wrist at the release point to glide across and the angle at which the stone enters the water should be roughly 20 degrees above the horizontal for optimal skipping distance.
What I’m trying to
get at is that ideas are a starting point. Good ideas alone won’t get you very
far though. Yet, executing a poor idea well can yield fruitless results as
well. Only good ideas paired with proper execution can go the distance.
Thursday, June 20, 2024
A Bittersweet Venture
Kites
The other day, I drove my mom to work in our red Toyota. Usually, that’s where my journey would stop, but that morning, I finally got my driver’s license which I had postponed getting for almost two years.
Embracing the newfound freedom, I drove around picking up some friends because Toro had suggested that we go to Pollo Tropical (quite underrated), and the rest of us had no better ideas anyway.
I picked up Psi first. Psi is the most unbiased when it comes to rating driving experiences since he hasn’t gotten his license yet, just like me before that day. “Where to?”, I asked as he climbed into the passenger seat. “La casa de Dino” he said. One of the best features of the car I was driving was that it has this little screen as part of the car that lets you connect your phone to it through Apple CarPlay. Right there on the screen, you can see a pretty detailed map showing you the directions so you don’t have to worry about your friends feeding you the wrong information which leads you to a highway into the mountains with no exits for the next 10 miles.
We called Dino a couple of times, no answer. When the call finally went through, all he had to say was, “I just woke up”. Toro was last because we had originally planned that he was going to get there himself, but plans change, and there we were, en route to his house.
I must say, I was a very decent driver considering I didn’t make a single wrong turn even though I had never gone down those roads before. After picking up Toro, we finally made it to Pollo Tropical. A few remarks: quality food, good portions, affordable prices. Everything you could really ask for in a fast-food restaurant.
We sat there for a while because Toro always takes 10 more minutes to eat than the rest of us. You’d think that Toro would have gotten faster at eating after being with us for so many years, but somehow he’s kept true to his 53 chews per every bite (trust me, I’ve counted).
While deliberating our next move, I let them know that I needed to go to Viejo San Juan in two hours to pick up my mom from work, and that’s when Psi had the brilliant idea to just go there instead.
When we arrived, I dropped them off at my mom’s store so they could go in and visit while I went to find parking in Puntilla. They had never seen inside a warehouse or a retail store, so they were quite amazed at the huge mountains of boxes of merchandise that we had organized. It felt nice to have some pairs of fresh eyes to remind you about the wonders you grew accustomed to.
We walked to El Morro afterward. Dino bought a piragua. A blue one. I bought a kite, the cheapest plastic kind, “8 bucks for an experience”, I said. It took me a few minutes and a few failed attempts, but I finally discovered the trick to it and our kite flew high, higher than any other kites in sight. I let them take turns holding it. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a young boy near tears and his kite lying in defeat in the tall blades of grass. His mother tried to comfort him, but she didn’t know how to help him either. I walked over and offered my assistance. He smiled when the kite caught wind and learned how to surf the gusts. I smiled too.
Wednesday, June 19, 2024
In Preparation
“Good morning, mama,” I replied, still only half awake.
“Today is a special day, it’s your grandpa’s remembrance day” she said softly. “We’ll go visit him at the beach today.”
“Okay. I still remember when we went years ago to scatter his ashes on the waves. Why did we do that?” I questioned.
“It’s what he always wanted. He loved the water; he loved the ocean. Back when I was still a little girl, he would take your aunt and I to the public pool, and he could literally sleep for hours whilst floating atop the water. We all thought it was like magic. His final ask was that we let him be one with the ocean after he was gone.”
“He is also close to grandma, right? And with my aunt in Germany too?”
“Yes, he asked us to divide up ashes into three separate parts and to scatter them close to where our family lives. He’s with us here in Puerto Rico. He’s also with grandma at the North Lake near our hometown in Wuhan, and with your aunt in a lake next to her house in Munich. Home. Home is where the family is. No matter the place, no matter the time, his booming joyous laughter could make any unfamiliar environment feel like home.”
“Do you still think about him every day?”
“It hurts to remember that he’s gone. But I would never want to trade away that pain and forget the beautiful memories he’s given me. I hope I’ve done a good enough job as a mother, and you’ll also think about me every day when I’m gone.”
“I… I will.”
“After I’m gone, I want you to also let me be in peace in the ocean. Next to baba.”
“That’s… not something we should be talking about now. You’ve still got… a lot of time left, mama…”
“You never know what can happen. Best to be always prepared for when the time comes. That’s why your dad and I always let you try everything, for you to learn as much as you can from us. We want you to be able to take care of yourself completely if you’re ever alone. We’re sorry we didn’t give you a brother or a sister to accompany you when we’re gone…”
“It’s okay mama. You’ve given me more than enough.”
Boredom Busters
Throughout history, boredom remains constant
What to do, where to go?
The question prevails, the search consistent
I play, I work, I do nothing
So much to do, yet somehow always seem to abort
So many choices, I’m stuck, paralyzed
I forage for novelty, hunting entertainment for sport
Chasing dopamine, an unconscious race
Games are invented, hypothetical scenarios are cast
My mind, the limit to my repertoire
But there are still restrictions, and my attention doesn’t last
Could red or blue be my solution
Yet in real life, the colors often cause me confusion
Tick tick tick, my ideas pass by
Pluck pluck pluck, I pick out a few
To study, to train, to cook or bake
No matter what I choose, one thing always holds true
I chase my smile, the commonality through all
After all, isn’t joy all that matters?
They say to follow your heart, but I disagree
Everything I try, it always ends in tatters.
P.S. I'm going to be posting a bunch of things that I've written for my English class this past year in the next few posts.
An idea and some gratitude
There’s a way of living as if treading upon eggshells
Not my style, but I’m also not a fan of ringing bells
And so, slowly, an idea developed and unfurled:
An appreciation for carefree moments in a cautious world
In retrospect, perhaps there’s a method to refinement
Take upper and lower bounds, then squeeze them for confinement
It’s all about finding that sweet middle spot
Speaking of which, I’d like to dedicate this poem to Rama, Beam, and Foxtrot
Guys that have truly helped me out a lot
I’ve admired you, been inspired by you, and you’ve been my watering pot
Fox, we’ve never settled for store-bought DIY masters,
we knew we’d always make it out
Beam, the crazy laughter we found yet never sought
The random walked-into-a-bar jokes, occurring all throughout
Rama, we’ve finally done it all,
taking risks just to thicken the plot
The ending always seems to come too soon,
but I guess, it's time to checkout.
This is a poem I wrote for my English class this past year (12).
Saturday, June 15, 2024
promise i'm not crazy
I’m back. There’s 9 hours and 18 minutes left on this
flight.
I just finished watching Fight Club. It was a good movie.
I’m not sure what it was trying to tell me, but at the same time, I think I
understood.
Once you face the most intolerable pain you can possibly
imagine, then you begin to look at the world differently. You’re no
longer scared of anything because you’ve already faced and survived the worst.
That mindset is scary. Scary, but I understand how it can be used to plow
through life as if it were nothing but a dry sandcastle. People who take on
this mindset become, untouchable. Untouchable and surely, uncontrollable.
Uncontrollable, not even by themselves. Unless? Unless we find a way to harness
it?
I think that’s what it was trying to say. It showed us an
example of someone trying to harness it and everything falling in shambles as a
result. Though, it might be fun? To absolutely lose all restraints and live
carefree, not bound by laws or strictures or people upholding those laws or
strictures. To be. Eventually, I think we’d come to our senses and realize it
wasn’t actually worth it. Or maybe that’s just me. Maybe it’s just not my life.
Maybe I’m just the type of person who’s meant to theorize such concepts but
never enact them. Maybe I’m only meant to read or hear of others doing the
craziest things, the freest things? Are crazy things really freeing? Or is it
just us being tied down to what we think is freedom. Does freedom have to mean
breaking manacles? I don’t know. One thing I do know is that, it’s freeing to
admit you don’t know. It’s freeing to not have an answer for everything.
Perhaps not everything needs an answer. Perhaps it’s enough to just coexist
without searching for an underlying reason.
I can’t come to that conclusion. Not yet, at least. Will I
post this or will my readers think I’ve gone mad? HAHAHHAH yeah, I’m
definitely posting this.
extemporaneous poem on plane
I am on board an airplane with my grandma headed from SJU to
EWR Newark. It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog like this. The thing
is, when we checked in earlier, I asked the lady at the booth seats that were
spacious and close to the bathroom as per my grandma’s request, and
surprisingly, here I am, in the row right behind the bathroom with extra leg
space. Usually, it’s a challenge to write anything on airplanes because my
laptop can’t fully open up due to the seat in front blocking, but I don’t have
that problem here so I thought it’d be a waste not to write anything. I was
GOING to watch this anime called Freiren that I had downloaded at home, though
I used my special move, “Restraint!”, and now I’m typing away.
I wonder, what is it about writing that is so intriguing to
me? It’s funny to me how most times I plop down in front of an empty document
without a single thought in my mind and then as my fingers move, the thoughts
also pop up in my mind in sequence, as if reading a book. You start with
nothing, BUT YOU’VE STARTED, and so that’s something already, yea? That’s the
right thought process, I hope.
That “I hope” is exactly why ideas are meant to be shared.
Ideas can be sparked by a single person, but reinforced by many and it becomes
an ideology, a plan of action, a lifestyle. This would make it easier for any
individual to implement it directly into their own lives especially after
seeing so many examples of success and using them as reference.
There was an idea I thought of lately. Competition. What
distinguishes healthy from toxic competition?
I was on a plane coming back from ISEF 2024 when I had this
conversation with my friend Lugo. That was a great conversation. You know an
exchange is meaningful when you can still remember the logic and conclusions
you came to together weeks down the line, maybe years down the line.
Now, to answer the aforementioned question, we believe it is
the mindset that changes the nature of the competition. Healthy competition
would be employing an “I want to be better than you” mindset rather than an “I
want you to be worse than me” mindset.
On the surface, the end result is still the same. Yet, the
nature is entirely different. What we want is to be motivated by our peers and
to strive to become better together. It shouldn’t be a fight to pull each other
down until we’re both down in the dumps with one eating trashcan pizza and
looking down on the other gnawing on a smelly banana peel. That’s a weird
analogy, but I think it kind of works, so I’m going to leave it.
What is worth to be put into words and what isn’t? It’d be
incorrect to say that only “good” things should be put into words because we
need to challenge the existing to ensure its verity. Plus, times are changing.
What was true yesterday may not still be true today. I think that’s the
biggest mental obstacle for our elderly nowadays. The fact that something that
was their entire life is now completely useless in modern society. BAHHHH I’d
be pretty mad too probably. I went off-topic for a second.
The idea is that it’s good to fail. To fail and fail but
never bail, you’re blazing a trail. You don’t want to derail, just keep
hammering the nails, conquering the ocean like a big blue whale. Leave the husk
that was your former tail in the dust and set sail. Set sail, look beyond what
you once believed to be jail, look beyond the gale storms in your path, and hail
the fact that there is no “right” path. So, stop looking pale when you fail.
Willpower is such a magical thing. I wanted to write a poem
and there it is. In all its glory.
They just announced 30 min until we land in Newark. From
there, we’ve got a 6-hour layover before our flight to Japan. I’ll see you
then.
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