promise i'm not crazy

I’m back. There’s 9 hours and 18 minutes left on this flight.

I just finished watching Fight Club. It was a good movie. I’m not sure what it was trying to tell me, but at the same time, I think I understood.

Once you face the most intolerable pain you can possibly imagine, then you begin to look at the world differently. You’re no longer scared of anything because you’ve already faced and survived the worst. That mindset is scary. Scary, but I understand how it can be used to plow through life as if it were nothing but a dry sandcastle. People who take on this mindset become, untouchable. Untouchable and surely, uncontrollable. Uncontrollable, not even by themselves. Unless? Unless we find a way to harness it?

I think that’s what it was trying to say. It showed us an example of someone trying to harness it and everything falling in shambles as a result. Though, it might be fun? To absolutely lose all restraints and live carefree, not bound by laws or strictures or people upholding those laws or strictures. To be. Eventually, I think we’d come to our senses and realize it wasn’t actually worth it. Or maybe that’s just me. Maybe it’s just not my life. Maybe I’m just the type of person who’s meant to theorize such concepts but never enact them. Maybe I’m only meant to read or hear of others doing the craziest things, the freest things? Are crazy things really freeing? Or is it just us being tied down to what we think is freedom. Does freedom have to mean breaking manacles? I don’t know. One thing I do know is that, it’s freeing to admit you don’t know. It’s freeing to not have an answer for everything. Perhaps not everything needs an answer. Perhaps it’s enough to just coexist without searching for an underlying reason.

I can’t come to that conclusion. Not yet, at least. Will I post this or will my readers think I’ve gone mad? HAHAHHAH yeah, I’m definitely posting this.