In Preparation
“Good morning,” she said as she greeted me, her voice echoing in a mostly empty apartment.
“Good morning, mama,” I replied, still only half awake.
“Today is a special day, it’s your grandpa’s remembrance day” she said softly. “We’ll go visit him at the beach today.”
“Okay. I still remember when we went years ago to scatter his ashes on the waves. Why did we do that?” I questioned.
“It’s what he always wanted. He loved the water; he loved the ocean. Back when I was still a little girl, he would take your aunt and I to the public pool, and he could literally sleep for hours whilst floating atop the water. We all thought it was like magic. His final ask was that we let him be one with the ocean after he was gone.”
“He is also close to grandma, right? And with my aunt in Germany too?”
“Yes, he asked us to divide up ashes into three separate parts and to scatter them close to where our family lives. He’s with us here in Puerto Rico. He’s also with grandma at the North Lake near our hometown in Wuhan, and with your aunt in a lake next to her house in Munich. Home. Home is where the family is. No matter the place, no matter the time, his booming joyous laughter could make any unfamiliar environment feel like home.”
“Do you still think about him every day?”
“It hurts to remember that he’s gone. But I would never want to trade away that pain and forget the beautiful memories he’s given me. I hope I’ve done a good enough job as a mother, and you’ll also think about me every day when I’m gone.”
“I… I will.”
“After I’m gone, I want you to also let me be in peace in the ocean. Next to baba.”
“That’s… not something we should be talking about now. You’ve still got… a lot of time left, mama…”
“You never know what can happen. Best to be always prepared for when the time comes. That’s why your dad and I always let you try everything, for you to learn as much as you can from us. We want you to be able to take care of yourself completely if you’re ever alone. We’re sorry we didn’t give you a brother or a sister to accompany you when we’re gone…”
“It’s okay mama. You’ve given me more than enough.”
“Good morning, mama,” I replied, still only half awake.
“Today is a special day, it’s your grandpa’s remembrance day” she said softly. “We’ll go visit him at the beach today.”
“Okay. I still remember when we went years ago to scatter his ashes on the waves. Why did we do that?” I questioned.
“It’s what he always wanted. He loved the water; he loved the ocean. Back when I was still a little girl, he would take your aunt and I to the public pool, and he could literally sleep for hours whilst floating atop the water. We all thought it was like magic. His final ask was that we let him be one with the ocean after he was gone.”
“He is also close to grandma, right? And with my aunt in Germany too?”
“Yes, he asked us to divide up ashes into three separate parts and to scatter them close to where our family lives. He’s with us here in Puerto Rico. He’s also with grandma at the North Lake near our hometown in Wuhan, and with your aunt in a lake next to her house in Munich. Home. Home is where the family is. No matter the place, no matter the time, his booming joyous laughter could make any unfamiliar environment feel like home.”
“Do you still think about him every day?”
“It hurts to remember that he’s gone. But I would never want to trade away that pain and forget the beautiful memories he’s given me. I hope I’ve done a good enough job as a mother, and you’ll also think about me every day when I’m gone.”
“I… I will.”
“After I’m gone, I want you to also let me be in peace in the ocean. Next to baba.”
“That’s… not something we should be talking about now. You’ve still got… a lot of time left, mama…”
“You never know what can happen. Best to be always prepared for when the time comes. That’s why your dad and I always let you try everything, for you to learn as much as you can from us. We want you to be able to take care of yourself completely if you’re ever alone. We’re sorry we didn’t give you a brother or a sister to accompany you when we’re gone…”
“It’s okay mama. You’ve given me more than enough.”
😭😌 this gives me peace
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